#im so disgustingly ill this is the worst day of my life
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ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING SEEING THIS SHIT
#im so disgustingly ill this is the worst day of my life#ive watched this vid like 4 times now its so bad its so fucking bad .#if he crowdsurfed onto me i dont think id be able to stop my self from biting uim#midtown#gabey baby#red.txt
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Impossible
reborn doesn’t die. ive said this.
squalo being so disgustingly cute for his s/o here.
Warnings: lots of swearing; fem!reader; huge OOC; lowkey character is implied: reader is an educated and smart and probably artsy? (happened accidentally): 100% wrong grammar, english is not my native; no beta we die like tyl tsuna
Note: im not sure this is such and OOC since the whole premise is “squalo is uniquely soft only for you, and no one knows about that side of his”. first time at writing, dying from shame rn, will probably delete this soon.
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Impossible.
Squalo is impossible.
Such a foul-mothed, rude, loud and ill-mannered brute.
At first it seems as if he is trying his best to make you hate him. Squalo’s words usually cut deeper than his sword thrusts in inside of one’s body, but with you it feels like after that this sword also whirls in your already shaking body to hurt even more. Squalo notices your every small failure and is glad to stick your nose in those every time. He turns his head away on the days you look especially good and scoffs when you prove your intelligence.
But a fun fact you notice way too late: if Squalo hated you that much, then why the fuck has he always been around you?
Truth is simple: captain is good at everything but feeling feelings.
That is not the most important fact but the one that he is aware of it. Superbia is actually extremely self-aware.
And he knows he is hard and not going to change. Ever. You cannot run away from mafia, this is a pact made for life – and it doesn’t last long for many. He is indeed a violent brute and obviously fucked in the head at least a little bit – a bloodthirsty shark, excuse me for such an obvious comparison – and takes a huge pride in this. Because this is the reason Varia thrived when Xanxus wasn’t around, biggest people in mafia world fear him and, most importantly, he became best of the best. He is a fucking Emperor.
And not the least, Squalo hates lying. Maybe that is the reason he hated those cover-ups missions and Levi-a-Than with his brown nose. Squalo is who he is and he shows this right away in the worst way.
What I’m trying to say: if you cannot handle him at his worst, you do not deserve him at his best. And yeah, such a high-ranking person needs to be deserved.
And he hates that “some civilian bitch who grew up like a home plant”, while he made himself through blood and tears literally, got him wrapped up so easily. Caught him like a fish, huh?
Squalo has never had a normal life and doesn’t understand that you do not have fight every rock like a caveman.
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But just show him your teeth. Squalo is a big scary man always smelling like metal, with steel eyes widely opened looking for a pray. And you dare to go against him? God damn, you poor soul. And if you make fun of him smooth and smartass-ish enough that Squalo even has to think to realize you insulted him, GOD DAMN. You are unhinged.
He likes it.
No, he does not.
He loves it.
When you show that not only you can handle him at his worst, but even be equally fierce, Squalo does not turn away. He is asking for a date right away when this happens: you say ‘yes’ now or he is leaving and never coming back.
No, he does not give much of a choice. If captain wants, captain takes. And fights if he needed.
Fun facts: fancy dates with Squalo are the worst. Yes, he knows how to look sophisticated and elegant, but it is one thing to attend black-tie events with killers around and another to go to a ‘regular’ restaurant. Everyone will think he is a pig of a man, trust me. He can impress mafia with his character, but cannot be polite at least a little bit with a waitress to save his life.
And Squalo generally hates ‘fancy’ even as a word. So he will personally organize the best date for you but will be screwing your brain for the whole duration. But appreciate that he tried, you know.
Will tell you right away that he is involved into something shady. Will explain all the ‘cool important sword varia guy’ thing later on because showing all of his cards right away is vitally dangerous for you. Especially it could be if you rejected him. Oof.
NO Varia.
No.
No.
N. o.
Squalo obviously appreciates your opinion (in his dumb ways) and knows you are an adult doing whatever you want, but he is a stone wall in discussing mafia.
It’s a no. End of discussion. You do not know what mafia is. Squalo does. He does know that death is always the first thing to consider and sitting on a keg of gun powder when literally anyone can come in with a weapon is hell of a life.
He will not ever tell you but he does not want to taint you with this. Squalo is not foul-mothed, rude, loud and ill-mannered bloodthirsty douche because he has been born like that, he was made into this to adapt. And one of you has to live, you know. And Superbia will be ready to die for his partner. He also will never tell you this.
To be honest, thinks you would survive in mafia with your witty brain. Of course you will, you are his significant other.
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Squalo will be away for a long time. Months.
Fun thing: you can’t call him at all. Maybe can send him messages, I think, but only he can call you. There is actually reasoning for this. Squalo is a fucking genius and is capable to cover your existence from Varia even if (when, hehe) you marry, and that is exactly what he is doing.
He does not want to ruin his badass image in eyes of subordinates with a sweet, witty, beautiful and so perfect you. Even if he wants to tell everyone bragging about their hot chicks that the best woman has already been taken. Squalo has her and it is too obvious that she has him too.
I have a dumb headcanon: for some reason people used to think Squalo is a tech clown still using a flip phone BUT HEAR ME OUT?? He has a humor of a god and likes to mess with Varia so he uses a flip phone for work to piss everyone and secretly has a personal newest shiniest iPhone hidden somewhere. And there is your photo on a home screen. But not on a lock screen. He does not want you to find out.
Squalo slowly learning to be ‘regular’ at home with you is a comedy gold. If you find out that he calls your cat your shared child, is actually a fucking MAMA enjoying house cleaning and binging ikea to make your apartment ‘homy’, Superbia will react worse that someone trying to assassinate him.
He does love your cozy house indeed. Probably, to be honest, he is going to live in your apartment at first…because he did not have any before you. There used to be only Varia.
He likes that he leaves his small things there. They are so small to notice but strangers will notice that someone else is in this house. And this someone is Squalo. Go away.
Squalo does not care about meeting your parents because he does not care. Will not hide from this, but you will probably be kicked out from your family because he will be his usual disgusting self lol.
No jokes now: dating someone like him can be problematic for a family, especially considering his career, so if anything happens, Squalo gotcha. Because he has pride and dignity and is overall better then ‘those shitheads’.
Will buy you the best house in the world, you just say. But! He will has a training room and a garage of sorts to mess with his swords. I mean, there are a lot of mechanics going on with his prosthetic arm and a sword, he obviously knows how to repair them or sum?
Squalo will spoil you when he is back from ‘work trips’. You can forget even about cooking, your bae is here to help. He will repair ANYTHING and to it really good. Any document and papers problem is not a problem but you better do the talking because Squalo will try to strangle someone in 30 seconds. Your man will enjoy domestic life even more in TYL! and later in life because he will get burnt out at work.
100% you both will have a close civilian friend group. Rare moments where Squalo can be just a person and do bullshit ha-ha stuff like ‘being drunk and throwing a chair out of a window with the bois’. Those meetings are when you notice that Squalo has a good sense of humor and actually is chatty and your friends like him. Not something he can afford in mafia.
Hey, he is actually so touchy when drunk.
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If Squalo does a shit tone of stuff for you and you do nothing in return, he will point this out.
He does not ask for much In fact. He is used being an independent loner to the point it was insulting in the beginning of your relationship.
Surprise him with a dinner, help him get ready to leave for months again, just hug him sometimes out of the blue, and he is whipped.
Squalo enjoys a good debate. An it’s funny in a way that he is educated life-wise but such a dummy in academic stuff and you can mess with it. Even if you are a medic, an engineer, he is going to study this just to kick your ass. Bitch. (Just wants to share your interest with you. And also kick your ass)
Actually, falls in love deeper when sees your passion and intelligence. The way you study all the time. Or you know several languages. Or you are such a professional in your field.
I honestly think Squalo would have some special click with someone artistic. He is so loud and hyperactive and being with someone phlegmatic and elegant with their non-standard lifestyle is something else. Squalo does not understand art. Almost. The way he can control the edge of the sharpest sword and be quieter than the silence is an art for him. People think he is a weirdo – c’mon he is using a sword in a gun era – and you both can share being weirdos in your own ways.
Imagine being an architect. (that’s not because im too i swear). Precise numbers connecting with your artistic burst? It just sounds so….Squalo Superbia.
Imagine you start taking interest in swordsmanship.
IMAGINE WANTING TO BECOME A WEAPON DESIGNER.
He will carry you in his arms. Only to train you lmao.
‘Babe, it is time for your sword practice again’ ‘Ok, honey’
Imagine you two being together for so long that you design him the best sword you are capable of. You fucking magnum opus – just like relationship with Superbia is.
You actually can draw him a shitty meme shark and a stickman and he will keep it. He will laugh his ass off really loud but does not matter. He obviously will not keep it with him. But you will notice that he hides those in his books or sum.
If you do something of shitty quality, Squalo will oh so much be proud if you keep getting better at this. But he will still say the work of a shitty quality. He is lethally dangerous for someone emotionally vulnerable, but we understood this at the beginning of this post.
I mean, really do not take that to heart. Squalo could say you have your hands growing from your ass now and say you are impressive in a day if you still keep doing whatcha doing.
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Later in relationship, sometimes Squalo slips at small things that tell you he thinks about you a lot. He once said “when we marry” instead of “if we marry”. He says “a favourite boy name” instead of a “favourite name”.
He knows it should not happen. Even Squalo has his insecurities because his standards are so high. A spouse and a child not seeing a father for half a year and have a possibility to get killed any moment? No.
But you stay. Knowing his worst side, how unusual and hard being with him is, but you are here.
Impossible.
Squalo is impossible.
Such a foul-mothed, rude, loud and ill-mannered brute.
But yours.
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if els mothers so damn abusive you're perfectly capable of moving out lmao
wow.
wooooow.
thats it. i genuinely believe this is the most insidious message ive ever personally received.
way to care about abuse survivors, i guess?
youre not entitled to my life story, anon, but since you asked so kindly, ill tell you.
first of all, i never implied i was even under her roof. i live there when im not at college, yes, but the tracking app incident (the second of its kind, in case you were wondering), happened just two weeks ago, while i was at school. the first incident, when it actually was installed on my phone, happened when i was a senior in high school.
second of all, i can't believe i even need to say this, but "just move out lmao" is so fucking ableist and victim-blaming it makes me sick.
my mother has control over everything i do. my job. my home life. my political affiliation. hell, im turning 21 this year and my bank account is still attached to theirs, and they can see my purchases easier than i can see them myself.
my mother regularly went through my search history and my text messages to my friends, despite giving her no reason to distrust me. i lived in constant fear as a late teen that i hadn't closed out my incognito tabs or removed tumblr and various curses from my learned words on my keyboard, and later, that she would somehow find out that i was gay and not cis.
shes homophobic, shes transphobic, shes viciously certain that she is right and everyone else is wrong, she believes that me not agreeing with her hateful thoughts is me personally silencing her in her "own home".
i had to use my cousin in another state as a lifeline last summer over quarantine, because there were more days where i was desperate to just die so she could finally just leave me the fuck alone than there were days when i wanted to keep going. i packed up what clothes i could and almost had my cousin come pick me up in the middle of the night.
but i didn't. and do you know why? because i can't. as much as she hurts me, as much as she's fucking destroyed my sense of self-worth and ability to live without constantly apologizing for my existence, as much as she spews hatred for my life and how i love right in front of my face, even though the one time i barely hinted i wasn't straight she threatened to send me to what would undoubtedly have been conversion therapy...
she controls everything. my family. my money. my phone.
if i had escaped last summer the way i wanted to, i would have lost everything.
and because, as is often the case in these situations, she is my mother, and i can't help but still love her. despite all evidence to the contrary, despite how she's proven time and time again that she will never change, i can't help but hold onto the hope that she will.
but more than anything else, anon, i feel sorry for my dad. my dad and i are alike in a lot of ways, mostly how we tend to avoid confrontation until its unavoidable. i love my dad with everything i have. i got everything from him. my love of music, my shitty eyesight with glasses thicker than a kid's picture book, my love of shitty puns, and though he's never been tested himself, i'm 95% sure i also got my adhd from him. when i was born, the doctor looked at me, then at my dad, and went "oh wow. it's little you."
my mother's mother is a fucking monster, and despite how much my mother loves her father, she can't see him because her mother has torn the family apart and refuses to talk to us.
i don't want that to be my relationship with my dad. we don't agree on things - whereas my mother is disgustingly far right, my dad, while right-leaning, is far more centralized than anything else. when i talk with him about politics, he listens to me. we are able to have discussions. and barring politics, even with something like vocaloid, which he Very Much doesn't understand why i like it so much, he willingly and happily listens to me gush excitedly about it, and i listen to him gush about his music and the wacky things he and his high school friend group he's since drifted away from used to get up to.
either of us bring that up to my mother and she shuts us down.
me leaving would not only hurt me, it would hurt my dad, and while i'm perfectly okay with hurting myself - god knows it couldn't possibly be worse than it already is - the thought of leaving my dad with her is the worst thing i could ever think of.
so, anon, how dare you assume that an escape from any abusive situation is just as simple as "moving out".
fuck you. i hope you're never in a situation you can't escape from, because i wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.
#mod el#long post#its just long post from el time because people wont stop being dipshits in our inbox#transphobia mention tw#homophobia mention tw#abuse tw#get off your high horse anon lmfao
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who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it
sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u
Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.
Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.
cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun
this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.
i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.
0/10 completely undateable
Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:
pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,
cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention
this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.
im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.
it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao
so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D
Groribas, my fav girl:
pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever
cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy
overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me
Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:
pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you
cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy
this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability
some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao
#lord boros#geryuganshoop#groribas#melzalgald#dark matter thieves#opm#i put way too much thought into this after not thinking abt them in a long while#it was fun tho#Anonymous
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Survey #309
“show me how to lie - you’re getting better all the time / and turning all against one is an art that’s hard to teach.”
Have you ever played Jackbox Games? If so, which ones of their party games are your favorites? No, but I looooove watching Mark and The Boys play them on charity streams. They can make up the funniest shit. I can't recall the name of the specific one I'm thinking of... but I enjoy watching most of them. I do think one or two are boring, though. Do you have artistic friends? If so, have you got their artwork displayed? I have some very talented friends, but I don't have anything of theirs displayed somewhere. Have you ever considered pole dancing? Why/why not? No. It takes an incredible amount of strength, plus confidence I don't have. That and I'm just not into it. What's the last thing you fixed yourself? Uhhhhhhh bitch I couldn't tell ya. Are there any CDs you've held onto for sentimental reasons? No. Did you read the Barbie magazines with comics made with the actual dolls? "I didn’t know that was a real thing." <<<< Me either. What's the last thing you knitted? I've never knitted before. Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') She was the first person who joined my RP mob back in the Animal Planet forum days. Why do you take surveys? Be honest. Boredom, distraction, and sometimes I just wanna ramble about whatever. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? Our mailbox is by the side of the road at the end of our driveway. Your doorbell rings out of the blue. What's your reaction? Let Mom answer it. I don't answer the door ever if I don't expect someone or can peek outside and don't recognize them. Are all the lamps in your home LED or other energy saving lights? I don't know. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing. I can't write very long at all before my carpal tunnel flares up. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life...If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now? I'd be dead, that simple. Have you ever taken a course on CPR? No. What makes you laugh most effortlessly? You can guess it pretty easily. What makes you cry most effortlessly? I make it a rule that I "can't" listen to "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White because there hasn't been even ONE occasion where it hasn't made me cry, even when I was stupid enough to binge it because it's just a good song. I've broken that "rule" before because I do just genuinely enjoy the song, but I know the pain truly isn't worth it, so I haven't heard it in a decently long time. What is the best smell in the whole world? Cinnamon rolls, probably. My body wash is currently that kind of smell, and Jesus Christ it's the best part of showering. Do you wear a watch? No. Can you tell time from an analog clock? Yes. What a time it'll be when kids can't anymore... Is there a number or a combination of numbers that feels important to you? Only dates, but not numbers themselves. What is the most socially awkward thing you've done? *gestures at my life as a whole* Is your computer decorated in any way? No. If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it? No. No. I don't want to relive my high school experience; it would be too painful for me to willingly walk into. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? I would say "the breakup," but technically it was letting him basically own me and my every neuron of joy. Not by his will of course, but my own. I was stupid and just... handed those rights over without really realizing it. I can harp forever and ever and EVER about the importance of making sure you own yourself and your emotions. Do you ever donate money to charity? If so, which charity and why? Blah blah blah, I don't get an income, you know this. Whenever I do, I 100% plan on donating to every charity stream Mark ever hosts again, as well as some other people's. I'd love to donate to a lot of places. Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes, because society has made it too instilled in me that it's just like... this ultimate validation of "forever" with your partner, even though I know you can be just as or even far more invested in your relationship without marriage. The only *true* benefit of marriage imo is for legal and financial reasons, but yeah, I still want it. Like I said, it's too deeply embedded in that brain of mine that it's a relationship goal. Why do you live the way you do? I'm not even living the way I want to, so... Have you ever abused an animal? No, and I say "fuck you" with every ounce of sincerity and loathing if you have. Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. We share this earth and grew from the same roots, so what *really* makes us better? We might be smarter (generally) and more developed as the apex predator, but that does not equate to being more important than, say, even a gnat. That creature has the exact same level of rights to be here as the human species does. I could go on and on and on about this topic. How close was the last person close to you who has died? Not extremely, but she was still important to and loved by me. Grandma and I were very, very different and butted heads more than once, but her love was unconditional, and she showed boundless kindness to others. She showed a courage I see as unmatched in the face of death. I truly, deeply, in the very core of my heart hope she is at peace and experiencing all joys she ever wished for. How does death in general make you feel? Well, it depends on how I'm looking at it. I fully accept it is an inevitable phase in simply existing that none of us will ever evade, so it's not exactly terrifying to me, though of course I don't want it anytime soon. If I'm thinking about people I love dying, I definitely get sad about it and scared of that possibly eternal separation. Is there a person you absolutely loathe? If so, why do you loathe them? Not that I know personally, no. Has anyone ever told you that you're rude? If so, what caused it? No; I think I'm very mannerly, honestly. Have you ever seen a therapist? I've regularly seen therapists since I started middle school. I advocate for everyone to have one, honestly, whether you have a mental illness or not. Have you ever been homeless? In technical terms, yes, but a friend let me stay with her until Mom and I settled into a new place. Have you ever been completely broke? That's the actual story of my life. Well, not me personally considering I've never had to take care of myself financially, but my mom struggles very, very badly with this, and mind you, she's frugal. Just disgustingly underpaid when she worked, and her current status with disability isn't exactly incredibly generous. I live under her roof, so. Have you ever had a steady job? No. Have you ever needed a loan? If so, what for? Have you paid it back? Yes, for school, and no. I do NOT want to know how in debt I am with schools. Have you ever wanted to go to space? Not seriously, no. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen or heard? I am 99.99% sure mine and Jason's old roommates were having some ~kinky~ sex once while I was alone on the couch against their bedroom. Preeeetty sure the girl was making meowing sounds. They were furries (who I want to emphasize have zero judgment from me; I actually think they're very brave and creative), so that was... something I definitely wasn't used to hearing, haha. What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Probably when Mark N O T I C E D me on Tumblr by reblogging a gif I made of him and his pupper, and I LITERALLY struggled to sleep for three days lmfaoooo. How many birds can you name just by looking at them? Uhhhh a pretty decent amount, I'd say. Which birds are most common around your neighborhood? Crows, sparrows, cardinals and bluejays if you're lucky, robins... pretty basic stuff like that. What do you think is the most interesting sea creature? Octopi are absolutely fascinating with their intelligence. How do you reset your head to zero, so to speak? Take a nap. That usually works. Have you ever gone exploring an abandoned building? Yeah, I love that shit and really wish I could do it more. Bring my camera, too. Are there any foreign television shows you enjoy watching? Some animes. Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? No. I actually quite like them, though. Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you'd love it, but you really didn't? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? My dad lent me his Shinedown CD once clearly without thinking I could just look up the album online, haha... He's an old clueless man, leave 'im be. But anyway, of course I listened to it for him and I enjoyed it; I especially loved "The Human Radio," "Kill Your Conscience" and "Pyro." Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? Mine has changed a few times, but I haven't had "a bunch." As for the second question, not to my recollection. Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? The lock screen is a pastel-styled list of mental health reminders: "i am strong, i am loved, i am enough." My home screen has been some adorable meerkat pups for a while, which I didn't take. What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Ummmm maybe plaid? No. Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? The only situation I could think of would be a sex shop. That'd be so fuckin uncomfortable. What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? I'm heavily biased towards Cloak, haha. I just support anything and everything Mark takes part it, and it's his and jacksepticeye's business. I have one shirt and it's genuinely great quality and reall comfy. I wouldn't call its products expensive, but they're not cheap, either. What person do you text the most? My mom or Sara, depending on the day. Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? No. Not pictures I have anymore, at least. Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Omg I would never. I hate the flavor of any sort of pumpkin food. Does your car have a name? I don't have my own car, but Mom jokingly calls hers "Olivia." Who was the last person you made plans with? One of my sister's in-laws that's actually the mother of one of my closest friends contacted me to plan some family pictures. What is the rudest thing someone has done recently towards you? I can't think of anything recent. How do you feel about your hair right now? It needs to be trimmed and dyed. How fast have you driven a car? I think accidentally leaning towards 80 on a highway. When you're hanging out with friends + you become bored, do you just leave or endure the boredom? Given I can't leave without a car, I deal with it. What did you last plug into your computer? What were you doing with this? The charger for obvious reasons. What color(s) have you dyed your hair? Red, purple, black, then red, purple, and lighter brown highlights. I really wish I could dye it more and actually have the color stick... Was your first kiss perfect? It was to me. What song did you hear last? I have "Over The Mountain" by Ozzy on now. (: Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you ever walked into the guys' bathroom? HA, once during a teacher work day (my mom was an assistant) at my elementary school. My sisters and friends went in there to be little "rebels." I remember being mega confused with urinals, haha. Then as a teen and adult, I've been in the dance studio's boy's restroom as well as a church's to help Mom clean. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My therapist. Are you shy? I am VERY shy. Are you talkative? Generally, no, but when I'm in a very good mood, I tend to be. Has your most recent ex ever seen you cry? Oh jeez, she saw me wail once. When was the last time you were called "cute"? I'm not sure. Would you rather be called "hot", "cute" or "beautiful"? "Beautiful." Do you have a little sister? Yep. Definitely not "little" anymore, though. About to have her Master's in social work... How many arguments have you had with the last person you kissed? Given our childhood, we've fought a lot, but mostly just as kids over very, very stupid things. As adults, we've had a serious argument once or twice and then just some very minor disagreements sprinkled in there. Do you know anyone who's been arrested? Oh yes. What're you planning on doing after this? Another survey. What time did you go to sleep last night? Damn, it wasn't even 8:00. I was EXHAUSTED and actually slept decently for once in my life. Do you like waking up to good morning texts in the morning? I mean, I'd think most people would. It's a sweet, easy way of someone showing they care and think about you. Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person? Yeah. What was the last thing that made you happy? We had syrup to add to my breakfast, haha. I don't know if these are a thing everywhere, but I looove what we just call "pancakes on a stick," which is like a corndog, but with sausage and pancake batter. Dipping it in syrup is amaaaaaaziiiiiiing. Do you like the smell of rain? I don't love it, but it's refreshing sometimes. It's mostly just associated with a bittersweet memory, so it can be triggering to smell. I know, that sounds immensely stupid. What was the last thing you took a picture of? A very, very relatable meme to show Sara, haha. She doesn't have a Facebook, so that'll do. When you go to McDonald's, what drink do you usually get? I always get a Coke. What’s the nickname of your home state? Tar Heel State, from discovering tar in the since aptly-named Tar River. Have you ever thought about your wedding? I mean duh. What’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? Hot and humid, ugh. Especially right after a summer afternoon thunderstorm. It's unbearable. You can't fucking breathe outside, and you set one foot out of the door and it's soaked. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? The time Misty visited last month and we were taking family pictures. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? I wouldn't pay for either or even willingly go to one or the other, but if I had to go for whatever reason, Carrie. She has a beautiful voice as well as a good handful of songs I actually like. I'm not a Taylor fan; there are only like, two old songs by her I enjoy. When someone screws you over, do you get back with revenge? No. I may not be the best at adulting, but damn, I'm not that bad. Name something negative that you hate about yourself? I overthink like a motherfucker. About everything. Is there a dead end road near where you live? I live on one. Huh, that's actually been the case three times... wow. Four if you count the apartment. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot (celebrities)? I don't care. I don't even pay attention to the news, other than Covid updates. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? No. Name something positive you love about yourself: I care a lot about people. Can you smell anything right now? No, besides however my house naturally smells that I'm numb to. Have you spoken to a relative on the phone today? No. How does alcohol affect you? I flush in my face very obviously, and I become more outgoing and talkative. Have you ever eaten tofu and if so, did you enjoy it? I've never tried it, but I very much doubt I'd enjoy it. What was the last type of meat you ate? Pork. What colour is your toothpaste? Blue and white. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever inhaled helium? Once, I believe. Are you a fan of Adam Sandler? Yeah, I think he's pretty funny and a talented actor. What was the last fruit you ate? An apple. A candied apple for Valentine's Day, but still an apple, haha. Have you ever watched Parks and Recreation? With Sara's family, yeah. It was fine. Have you watched a movie this week? I haven't watched a movie in many months. Have you set an alarm today? Yeah, just to ensure I was up for group therapy today. Have you asked someone for advice today? No. What was the last website you were on, other than this one? YouTube. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, but it'd be cool. Well, thinking about the humidity... Have you watched more than an hour of TV today? No; I haven't watched television in a long time. Do you keep magazines by your toilet? No. The last time you got dressed up, where did you go? I got my makeup done and put on a dress for a Halloween "witch" shoot with my friend and some other people. The pictures pretty much don't exist because they're blurry as shit and way too dark because we left too late. I don't know why we even left the house to do it by the time everyone figured their shit out. I was really disappointed because I thought Summer made me look really, really pretty. ;_; Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize? Yes, but I don't know if he really meant it. He might have just wanted me off his back, but I kinda feel now that he meant it, at least regarding how it happened. Are you proud of who you are? Only in the sense that I think I have a good heart. Otherwise, no. I've accomplished so little. Have you ever been to Costco? We don't have those here, so no. Do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? No, thank Christ. Only in middle school. How many video games do you own? A whole lot. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. How many sets of keys do you have for your house? One. Do you give spare keys to your place to your friends and family? Our landlord/family friend has one. Then obviously my sisters do, too. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? Oh hell no. Do you use Instagram? How often do you post there? Yes, two for each of my photography "styles." I don't post a lot myself, but I react to stuff. When was the last time you high-fived someone? I believe the last time I was at my sister's and my nephew caught a Pokemon on his first throw in Pokemon GO. He and his sister LOVE that game; that's the first thing they ask to do when I come over, haha. Their dad doesn't like it because it's "evil" (which he finds most things, really...), and it's something I could roll my eyes into the back of my head about, but I still have to respect his parenting and ask if they can play it first. He let's 'em, just not long. He also took away the Pikachu plushy I gave Aubree because it's her favorite one. :^) Guess who doesn't fuckin like him lmao. Do you like writing? How often do you write? I love writing! I don't do it very much nowadays except through surveys, though. RP is kinda on pause, so surveys is really how I just get stuff out, even if it isn't creative. Are there any posters or artworks hanging in your living room? Artwork and family photos, yes. What's your favourite place to get pizza? I'm a basic bitch that loves her some Domino's. How many times have you been to the beach? Quite a few times. We live only like two hours away, and considering Myrtle Beach is a common dance competition location, we've been a couple handfuls of instances. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. No. After we moved out of my childhood house though that we actually owned, the fucking idiots who were moving in completely roasted it to pitch by setting boxes on the goddamn stove and accidentally turning it on. The house had to be entirely rebuilt. My parents were livid considering it was THEIR house. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No. What was the best school project you remember doing? I actually really enjoyed the huge essay I did on toxic masculinity the last time I tried college. I've always been very firm about letting men be humans and not emotionless robots, but I learned a lot more while researching and writing. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus is #1. I've beaten it at least 30 times, maybe even 40+; it's been too long since I've seen the save files. It's a relatively short game (you can beat it in less than like, four hours if you know what you're doing) and just very relaxing yet simultaneously absolutely epic to me. God, I want a PS4 to play the remaster, like beyond words. It looks incredible, and I want to try to get white Agro. Have you ever petted a cow, a sheep, or a pig? A pig, yes. I love pigs.
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hello darkness my old friend.
well im not quite sure why this title nor what exactly am i going to write about, i just had the need to write. ever had that feeling? no? oh. ok.
its been a while since last post, many things had happened, fun, annoying,stressful, interesting and so on and some may expect sassy posts like first two and thats not going to happen with in this one, sorry not sorry. ive been feeling the need to write about anxiety, not entirely sure why, just a feeling in me telling me to do so so lets see where it goes.
apologies for spelling mistakes because in these last couple of sentences ive had so many red lines that makes me think can i even spell -_- (hello brain, you there?) confidence is a tricky things. you are not born with it, you have to build it up. god knows i had no confidence before and i still struggle with it sometimes, especially with my anxiety - sometimes it can affect it really bad. when anxiety, i want to talk about because i think these kind of things should be talked about.
my anxiety levels are still not alarming but they are at that level when it can definitely affect my daily life, especially on bad days. ive definitely learned how to cope with it, sometimes it cant be helped. i definitely suffer from GAD (general anxiety disorder https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad) with medium to high social anxiety - https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder (which many people don’t believe heh) and ive discovered some unusual phobias that I have also count as anxiety issues (trypophobia, Emetophobia, fear of knives are some of mine examples) so it can vary from person to person.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/abd4a404be3ad832ae1d0ea7f462d29d/ffe0cbc99f8dcc08-26/s540x810/df783b2c1c95254d27cbbb8129c4f8d28b307b6e.jpg)
(imagine having all those on almost daily basis, yaaay)
i know, lots of people will say ah everyone is tense and stressed, we all must have anxiety. no, just dont. its not the same. occasional stress is normal, anxiety is completely different. its not easy to be in constant worry phase, being triggered by small things (coffee can easily trigger mini panic attacks, been there done that), small inconveniences, theres so much to it.
another awful part of it is overthinking. that is what used to kill me and mess up relationships i had with people. one small thing can set you back so much. as ive mentioned, some people learn how to deal with it and some people seek for help, and both of those things are amazing. letting it affect you is not amazing.
talk to someone, youre not alone.
i always tell people to not be afraid to talk to me about their problems, because i do know how it is, i do understand. i had some people who dont understand as much as they think they do and when id open up to them they would say just stop worrying, its ok.
uuuhm like no. thats the whole point. my brain cant stop worrying. thanks for letting me on deepest secrets of the world, appreciated. high chances are that we do actually know that but its sometimes impossible to stop worrying. if i could do that so easily i wouldnt be suffering from anxiety, right?
do i have panic attack? yes i do. had more before, now it got down to 2-3 in 6 months, so thats around 6 a year. last year i had full blown panic attack, worst that i ever had, my whole body just shut down and i was crying for full on 45mins, not being able to breathe, talk or move. sounds fun, eh? and lets go back to social anxiety, as ive said people say that i dont seem like an introvert or that i have any struggles with that.
i do tho. i just dont let it be stronger than me. my head and my body in social situations can be in full panic mode but ill be there sitting with smile on my face. there were social gatherings or parties where i would end up sitting on my own, trying to fight tears and the emotions in me would be bubbling and getting worse and my common sense would be trying to fight them, thats why i end up sitting in corner like a weirdo. meting new people? socializing? that doesnt sound fun for me at all, i usually just avoid situations like that. i will talk most of the time and joke and its just because my common sense is trying to fight anxiety while at the same time my anxiety is trying to take over. i wish i can explain what is going on in my head.
if you invite me to go somewhere with you, dont leave me. please. thank you.
it has also affected my job, if i get a task im not sure what to do, or im told to just amend something, i just wish to get up and leave until my head gets clear. ive noticed small things i tend to do when i feel that anxiety is getting higher than i want it to be, eg ill start picking at my nails, ill bite my lip till it hurts, just shut down and stare blankly, taking deep breaths, shaking my hands to stop them from shaking (weirdly i think itll shake off my stress), do weird stuff with my hands, or all combined. rare people noticed all the things and actually knew when i was starting to get my anxiety attacks and they were really helpful.
how to help someone if you see them starting to have anxiety attack?
people deal with anxiety different ways, dont just assume one thing will help everyone. - for example hug wont make me calm, im not a fan of human touch in general and hugging me when im having an attack will only make me more stressed and more triggered and itll make everything worse. - dont force the person to talk about it, rather just ask them if they want to talk about it, if they dont, please dont leave them, just sit there in silence that means a world. -if they do want to talk about it, never, and i repeat never say dont worry its nothing or just stop worrying and think happy thoughts.
- talk with them about it, or let them talk. ask what is the issue, why does it make them feel that way, just try to find solution slowly. - if a person starts crying, let them cry. crying is amazing way to release the tension and it will help the person to feel more at ease - if you do notice early signs of anxiety attack, change the environment, divert the person, make them think of something different
- dont make the person walk or do something they dont want to, it will cause things to go worse, personally ill probably just sit and curl up and cry my eyes out but for the love of god dont touch me or make me walk, my body is just not able and its causing more stress
- after the attack calms down, let person go on with their life, dont talk about it straight after. let them fully calm down. some people (most cases me) will be ‘normal’ after the episode (after my big one i straight away started joking how disgustingly runny my nose was from crying) and some people will take a bit longer
We are all different in handling the situations. Anxiety like every other disorder is not easy and it has to be taken seriously. If you have it, if you know someone who has it, please talk to those people. Be supportive. Dont make them feel like there is something wrong with them. Small conversation and an ear to listen can go a long way.
be a friend and be a human.
#new post#new blog#anxiety#panic attack#mental heath support#mental health#support#be human#friends#talk to someone#talk to me#Followme
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Return of The Thing
Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening - Where I’ve Been:
Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set. I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.
A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:
Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways.
In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit.
On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others. The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.
I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online.
And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!
Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.
Hip Happenin Now:
Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog:
Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot. But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others. For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now. Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care
#im fucking tired#ive hardly had any alcohol lately as well#ive snuck some though but not as much for unwind time sadly#also discovered sourz alcohol and it is wonderful#i made someone laugh until literal pissing themselves though so#im taking bloody pride in that comedy so
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break for the mind/body
damn been a lil over a week since my last post and takin a break once ina while/every so often (dependin on how often ya need to regain ya energy back) is hella needed/recommended, cause breaks are an amazin tool to restart/evaluate ya-self. by takin this small break, regatherin my energy, gave me the motivation to get back on my workout grind and lower my anxiety. when my depression was gettin bad over this past year due to covid, i aint have to energy to do anything but jut be angry at myself/those around me. like if anybody tried to even talk to me i would pop off for no reason and start goin super saiyan, it was like my slow breathing was the fuel to fire. no matter how many minutes passed i was still breathin out fire. i had sooooooooo much anger/nervousness bottle up that i genuinely hated myself, like looking in the mirror everyday was something i struggled w/alot cause i felt so disgustingly ugly w/my nasty ass attitude and never bein able to control it. but isolatin myself and not talkin to anyone i can say im doin much better this morning and actaully am smilin. if ya suffer from maaaaaajor anxiety/depression, i suggest ya start an exercise regiment/sports/any physical activities to release some of those nerves/thoughts and tired the mind out a lil w/mental & physical stimulation, to tire out the mind/body and kind of ease out the nervousness/triggers. now im not sayin this will help ya 1000% & ya finna be cured. cause sad to say ya stuck w/ya illness/mental struggle for the rest of ya life and once ya realize that/accept it, the healing process begins. however this is a good tool to understand ya body/mind and even on those bad ass days where workin out aint even in the picture cause you might be too overwhelmed, then take a day off the relax and see where your thoughts be goin and try to navigate thru em. cause just bottlin up the feelings and tryin to ignore em will only make shit worst for you. it might suck now, but finna suck less later cause ya mind/body aint dwellin on the past & ya aint lettin the past you dictate ya future. shit this entry prolly everywhere ion even know how to end it off properly, but fuck im endin it here, gotta start the workout(; peace out ona litty start to my day <3
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Where can I find affordable dental insurance?
Where can I find affordable dental insurance?
i live in dallas tx ,19yrs old and im look for affordable dental insurance it will b just for me no one else any great insurance out there that wont make my bank account dusty :) plz help & thank u
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancecostfinder.xyz
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